When therapy is working, our system is offering us a chance to clear out patterns that no longer serve us. The pattern of our thoughts, self-defeating beliefs, harmful relationships, addictions, painful memories, annoying habits — these emerge in the therapy space and we may be able to dismiss them from out lives. This often leaves an emptiness that has been earned by hard emotional work. Like a garden cleared of overgrowth and weeds, we may be left with the bare earth of our being. When this is happening it can be uncomfortable to welcome the emptiness. Sometimes there is an anxiety that urges us to invite the old patterns back in or rush to find something to fill the space. What would it be like to value the emptiness? This Saturday morning after a week of very moving therapy I found myself pondering this as the fall leaves fell in my yard. In that space this poem emerged.
When Encountering Earned Emptiness
Before you try to fill the space
With every good thing you intend
Sit in the space and listen to it
Let yourself feel what it wants
The emptiness is imagining
It's own fulfillment
Regard yourself as a guest
enter politely
As if taking its hand in a gentile dance
Wait for the music before the movement begins
The emptiness is a fragile and beautiful being
A soft willowy hand resting in your fingers
She will move with you
Slow at first
Subtle in her sway
More bold as energy gathers
Perhaps offering kisses
To unexpectant lips
Or darting off in her own direction
Daring for you to follow